Apologia Pro Ianagisaua Et Ciuma
Mssrs. Hakuo Yanagisawa and Fumio Kyuma wish to convey their regrets if they have been misunderstood and their sorrow for those whose misunderstandings may have hurt their feelings. However, they believe that their views have been seriously distorted and spun beyond all recognition by the mass media. They believe that the time has come to have their side of the case presented in an unbiased medium by a disinterested third party, and have come to me to seek help. As a fellow member of the human race, I feel obliged to comply.
Dear womenfolk in the 15-50 age group in the year 2030:
I understand that you have been somewhat disconcerted at a certain phrase that the Health and Labor Minister employed to describe you. Rest assured, Mr. Yanagisawa meant no disrespect to you. In fact, his intent was totally the opposite.
You see, Mr. Yanagisawa is a guy, and guys love machines. We can't keep our hands off 'em. In fact, we even want to be machines! Thus, when he called you child-bearing machines, he was bestowing on you the highest form of love and honor that he could think of.
I am confident that this will clear up any misunderstandings regarding Mr. Yanagisawa's intent.
Best regards
Blog Machine
Dear Mr. Bush:
I understand that a couple of statements that our Defense Minister made regarding the relocation of US bases in Okinawa and the war in Iraq have you upset. Please think carefully before you lodge an official protest. We are like 10 years behind schedule on the Futenma base. Now, along comes Mr. Kyuma, who says, youse guys stay out of it, leave it to us! Can't you see, he's telling you that he's going to be responsible for actually doing something about it? That is a sea change in the Japanese attitude, and we owe it all to Mr. Kyuma.
Not satisfied? Okay, how about this? Mr. Kyuma said he was against the war on Iraq. Always was. But very recently, he's saying he's reconsidered, and supports it now. Mr. President, is there one other person on this entire planet who was against the war then, but supports it now? Name one.
I thought so. And you didn't even have to waterboard Mr. Kyuma to make him say it!
So, when Mr. Kyuma leaves office, which might be sooner than he likes, could you please fly him over there, to the White House, and give him a medal? Just to show that you understand?
I thank you in advance for your kind cooperation.
Your humble servant
Blog of War
Dear womenfolk in the 15-50 age group in the year 2030:
I understand that you have been somewhat disconcerted at a certain phrase that the Health and Labor Minister employed to describe you. Rest assured, Mr. Yanagisawa meant no disrespect to you. In fact, his intent was totally the opposite.
You see, Mr. Yanagisawa is a guy, and guys love machines. We can't keep our hands off 'em. In fact, we even want to be machines! Thus, when he called you child-bearing machines, he was bestowing on you the highest form of love and honor that he could think of.
I am confident that this will clear up any misunderstandings regarding Mr. Yanagisawa's intent.
Best regards
Blog Machine
Dear Mr. Bush:
I understand that a couple of statements that our Defense Minister made regarding the relocation of US bases in Okinawa and the war in Iraq have you upset. Please think carefully before you lodge an official protest. We are like 10 years behind schedule on the Futenma base. Now, along comes Mr. Kyuma, who says, youse guys stay out of it, leave it to us! Can't you see, he's telling you that he's going to be responsible for actually doing something about it? That is a sea change in the Japanese attitude, and we owe it all to Mr. Kyuma.
Not satisfied? Okay, how about this? Mr. Kyuma said he was against the war on Iraq. Always was. But very recently, he's saying he's reconsidered, and supports it now. Mr. President, is there one other person on this entire planet who was against the war then, but supports it now? Name one.
I thought so. And you didn't even have to waterboard Mr. Kyuma to make him say it!
So, when Mr. Kyuma leaves office, which might be sooner than he likes, could you please fly him over there, to the White House, and give him a medal? Just to show that you understand?
I thank you in advance for your kind cooperation.
Your humble servant
Blog of War
posted by Jun Okumura at 3:24 PM
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